It's funny...

...how I can write a whole lot of things on here and no one would really know since, no one really reads this anyone. I can find this to be a wonderful place to let things out without needing to tell everyone. Yes, its the internet, but who actually reads blogspots now? Everyone moved on to tumblr.

Anyways...

At this point of my life, I'm actually content with my life. I don't have any problems to be fixed, and there isn't anything thats bothering me. I find it kind of hard for me since I've never had this feeling before. Its a weird feeling. Yes, its pretty sad how I can't accept the fact that I'm actually ok with my life right now. I should be thankful and blessed to feel this way, because it feels pretty good and I want it to be that way for a while. PTL <3

Summer '11

To be honest, even though I didn't have the greatest ending of summer, I really think this was the best one yet. Having things to do pretty much everyday of the week. Having my weekly hangouts. Taking adventures. Trying new things. Hanging with old friends. Debuts!!! Having a Summer "like"

Even though it ended, but I mean, all good things come to an end sometime? I know God has someone planned for me. He knew I wasn't ready for a relationship. Ever since the start of college I really don't have time for having one anyways. I get to focus on school now.

This summer was filled with so much memories and lessons, I can't thank God enough for it.

Why?

Why does it always seem when everything I think things are going good, then all of a sudden it seems like everything in the world is going wrong. I feel the connections of friendships are getting lost and how they don't seem to care, getting the stress from school, dance, who knows what else just enjoys adding to the stress. Then I feel like I still get bs from people after saying no to someone to prom. I'm worth that I chose comfort over faking a smile. I did that twice already And third time won't make a difference. But all in all, I stood up for myself and I'm happy with my decision. I could care less at this point. I just want summer to be here already, so I can start driving and go where I want to go. And not have to deal with bs people that always flake and enjoys bs-ing you every chance they get. I need a hero, someone please, give me a peace of mind.

Prayers answered.

I now know the reason why God had put me in the position I was in. Trying to know the difference between have a "boyfriend material friend" and having a "guy best friend material". Even though I was seriously crushing on the guy I was crushing on, I now understand that, I would rather have him as a best friend than a boyfriend. I'd rather be that friend that he can go to for anything and having the long run of having the friendship than having the relationship then break-up then hating each other moment. Yeah, I understand now. Thank you God for answering my prayers.

Just a little something....

So for English we are in a poetry unit. Not gonna lie, even though I disliked some kids in the class, I have so much respect for them now. Sharing there poems, just moved me. Here's something I did, we had to do a "hate" poem. Even though this isn't a real hate, and I just made some things up, this is to the person I lost a lot of respect for. So if you are reading this, remember it's just a word of thought.

How can I have so much hate for you?
When we used to be stuck together like glue.
You left not only me, but all of your friends.
You don’t even bother to make amends.

You only want to be stuck with your man
Not even together for so long and you take him to San Fran.
You promised me to do a lot of things,
But you always ditched me for your “king”

I was there for you when no one was
Now you are breaking some friendship laws.
He broke up with you and looked what happened,
Now your heart had saddened.

Now you’re hanging with a different crew.
I never thought I can lose all of my respect for you.
I wanted to make things right
All we ever did was fight

You had opportunities knocking at your door
But then again we will never end this war
I never knew hate can exist
But you just made the top of my list.

Minor Dilemma?

Prom or ReLive the Third?
I wish I can go to both, I really do. I want to go to prom since it's SENIOR YEAR! And I didn't go to any dances this year. I don't want to make any regrets whatsoever. Even though I hated the last two dances, I went to (junior Prom & Homecoming) I want to make up those times. But, in regards to that, I'd still be dateless, I noticed dances are only fun when you have a date, and going by yourself is kinda a dud. I also want to go to ReLive the Third because I want to see how all the kids are changed and how much they look up to me (and the other leaders). Even though I do get to see them during class, I feel like being in the reunion with everyone (first & second retreat) they can all get into that "Retreat High". Also being a leader can puts the pressure on you to go and try to be a good influence to the kids. I still want them the LIVE THE THIRD.

GAH, I'm so lost right now.

Trying

It's hard when you come back from an awesome retreat, even though I was leading it this time. And you, yourself gets into the "Confirmation Hyped" and always being so happy and appreciating the little things in life. Then it comes to going back into reality. Yup, that dream is over. I think church is my little getaway. It eases my stress, I become peaceful, I see the people I love the most. When I'm not there, it's hard living the Catholic life. It's hard not falling for temptation. Being jealous or mad is like second nature to me. Even though I come though with a epiphany, I still fall back down. I know God gives me the strength to be strong, patient, and fearless. But, it's hard when temptation is around.

It's sad...

...when your friends tell you about which friendships are gonna last and which friends aren't. Then you try so hard to not let that happen. When you tried, you failed, miserably. Then you go back to your friends and then they say "I told you so..."

I still don't understand why you want to give up on all of your friendships, especially the ones that gave you the best memories of life. You're throwing away your laughs, tears, die hard deep talks. I'm all for meeting new people, but you can't forget the people that made you the person you are today. Misunderstandings are misunderstanding. Enough said.

Ending 2010

Honestly, I had too many ups and downs this year. I really did not know why. This I must say is one of the worst endings of a year. Things magically, drastically changed not only in the past month, but within the past 2 weeks. It kills to lose friendships that were lasting since 6th grade and then it kills it even more on how much when they don't even want to talk anymore. Can't do anything about it. But, honestly, it prepares me for 2011 for me having a better beginning. I'm thankful for all the friends that came into my life and how we were able to make close friendships. God has a plan for me, and I'm ready for what's in store for me.

ending on a good note

Honestly, I could say I never had so much happiness in me before. I can't explain how thankful I am for the people in my life. From the places we go adventurizing, to the laughs we make, to those serious deep talks, to late night phone calls. I appreciate everything. I owe everyone gas money x]

overwhelmed.

It's funny how you can do absolutely nothing to me, and yet still affect me.
It's funny how you can still act normal, and then make me feel awkward.
It's funny how you put little effort, and you make me suffer.
I have no idea why I can't just erase you from my life.
No one can just compare to how much of a 2 day week can make me feel like crap.
It's funny how people think they know the whole problem and think I'm just complaining about the littlest thing.
The problem is, they don't know until you see me in tears or hear me cry, not because of one thing, but everything.
No one will understand what I have been going through.
I need a getaway. Get everything out of my mind.
Give me a peace of mind.

Lost

No one just understands anymore.

confused

About everything. I don't understand so many things. I feel lost.

I always...

I have been thinking lately. Why am I so rude sometimes? When I get mad or anything I just blow up and talk crap or I become stubborn. I try not to be, honestly. I'm gonna try something new. Hopefully I can commit to it. I'm ready for the challenge to make me better. For those who get my stubborn crap and my hate talks, I'm sorry. I'm trying now. I promise. Please forgive me.

good start of the month

It was too good. I wish I had more days like these. Super thankful for the people in my life.

Good talks, chill times, major laughs, memories.

understanding.

absolutely nothing . This does not make sense to me anymore. Someone help me. I'm lost in the world.

Birthday.

I loved it! Got to school, Joanna gave me her yearly birthday sign. Too bad I didn't meet her at the start of Freshman year, because I would of had four now! Oh wells. Then brownies from Azzedine, cupcakes from Lorraine, Cookies from Jayla, One balloon, a card and fake sunflowers from Ja'londa, Birthday letter from Alexa, and a whole bunch of birthday greetings and hugs from everyone. Then later at when it got cooler went to Disneyland with my friend Deanne. Super fun. I finally got to ride Indiana Jones and got my Clam Chowder Bowl, YUM! It was a good day.

I think its funny how the littlest things just gets to me. I don't drown from it, but when people starts putting more on it, and makes it worse, it just gets stuck on my mind. What a great way to start my new year.

But then again, I'm still thankful for what I have and I thank them from making me stronger. My faith is in God's hands and I'm willing to take what he gives me. God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.

In the End.

Last week was I must say was amazing. Thursday's SDYM Beach Trip really just made my summer. It felt so unreal because it was just too perfect. Majorly thankful for them. NO JOKE!

School's starting up, SENIOR year! It hasn't kicked in yet, but maybe on the first day it will. Hopefully. Praying, for a good year, solved problems and what not, in or out of school.

This is to this one dear person who I truly miss, even though we have problems right now and haven't talked to each other for about 3 months now.

I can honestly say that I miss you. You and I were super close. You were like my little sister. You were there for me and I was there for you. I wish this chaos never happened because look at us now. This is getting no where. I know you probably like the way things are now, but you should know it's effecting not only me, but to everyone. I want to stop assuming so many things of why you guys stopped coming. Also, on why things don't want to be solved. To me it feels like you are still immature to solve things and how you try to act tough and strong and yet you talk crap about us and telling others things that aren't true. When truly, everything is a misunderstanding. I know you can do better than this. You can't let your fears get to you. All I want is a talk. Work things out. It almost happened, but fb messages are really not the way to do it. Especially since even after you messaged us, then in person you can't even talk to us. I know I said baby steps, but did you really take any steps? By now you won't believe it but I really do miss you and I want things to work out. There is no need to hold a grudge, and there is no need to assume things anymore. I still have faith in you.

Summer

Its going too fast. I want it to slow down. I am happy going to church 4 times a week. Always going to the Kupers house. But it seems like I should be doing more. It is already July, I know its just the beginning, but I mean, its summer! I know I just saw my cousin twice this summer within a week, but I havent seen him since like New Years. I should hangout with them more! Im going to make a summer to-do list. I wonder how many actually happens.

-Hangout with Video Productions group.
-six flags
-disneyland
-bowling
-actually go to my first lock in
-spend more time with my cousins
-watch despicable me
-go to baskin robbins with Lorraine and Michelle.
-after a debut practice run go on a run with Lorraine.
-Hangout with my twin
-Trio day
-catch up with my g-ster since no matter how much we do see eachother, we dont ever say much.
-Able to do my one surprise.
- have a reunion with old CT.
-hangout with old friends.
-Being able to lead a meeting.
-HAVE AS MUCH FUN AS POSSIBLE && HAVING NO REGRETS!

This is nice.

found this on tumblr, but I don't have one, so I post it here.

You’re beautiful, the guy who did you wrong, who left you, ignored you, didn’t recognize your feelings. Made you cry, ruined days of months. He didn’t deserve you. You deserve better. You deserve a guy who can understand you, be there for you, be the shoulder when you need someone, look at you straight in the eye, and honestly tell you how much you mean to him. You need a guy who ignores everything else, and pays attention to you. A guy who makes you feel special in every way. A guy who treats you like the world. A guy who accepts you, a guy who can look straight through you, and loves the view, a guy who accepts your flaws, and cherishes them. A guy who goes past your looks, and stares at your heart, without having to take off the shirt. A guy who can understand your every word, love your every smile, and loves you for what you are, instead of what you’re not. A guy who doesn’t care how popular, or not popular you are. A guy who puts you as the first and only option. A guy who only wants you and no one else. A guy who would chase after you. Even when you let go. A guy who would make a fool out of himself, just to see that smile on your face. A guy who would miss you, even when you’re in front of his face. A guy who tells you , you’re beautiful, even when you deny it. You deserve this.

This goes both ways, but this is cute!